Free Falling and Out of Control



Most of my posts will be regarding my own healing and hopefully will help others.  I will use scripture sometimes, but I find my testimony and experience helps give hope many times.  If God will do it for me, he will do it for you!

When I surrendered my life to Jesus Christ, I always had a hunger for God’s Word.  I wanted to dig for the nuggets and the meat of the Word.  I didn’t want just head knowledge, but I wanted to know what it meant for my life.  How does this apply?  I got into journaling my prayers and study time.  I would actually have prophetic visions during these times.  It would help me later down the road.

In 2000 we moved from Texas to California and then on to Venezuela.  I was excited about the move.  The Lord had lead me to go to Therapon and study faith-based counseling.  I actually flew back and forth from California to do my studies and some of it I was able to do long distance graduating in October 2001.  I crammed two years into one.  I learned so much and actually went through a lot of healing of the heart during that time.  But there was more to come.

When we got to Venezuela in March of 2002, things were starting to escalate with Hugo Chavez.  He really did not want us down there.  He was a friend with Fidel Castro which means he was all about socialism more so, communism.  He was literally destroying the country.  Venezuela is a beautiful place with lots of resources and beautiful people.  Unfortunately, he kept the people illiterate and poor.  They looked to him as their savior, provider and protector.  He told the chavistas that the Americans were their problems.  The Venezuelan  people who were proponents of capitalism there were oppressed.  It was sad. We were told to never shop alone and always have a buddy.  You ran red lights at night or you would be carjacked.

One day as I was at a friend’s house, we got a call that there was a mob of chavistas heading towards where we lived with cut-off shotguns and machete’s.  Food was starting to get scarce.  On Christmas Eve we get a phone call from someone in the company that we needed to pack two suitcases and be ready in two days to fly out of Venezuela back to the States.  We would be able to take our pets.  So much for Christmas!

The big issue was that my husband would not be allowed to go.  Once I found out my husband was not going, I did not want to go, but it was a mandatory thing.  Only a handful of men would stay with the project while others flew to the States with their families.   I pretty much loaded onto the plane in shock.  I had my little Boston Terrier, Zippy,  with me, but my best friend and love of my life, was not going with me.  I snapped.   I didn’t scream or yell or yak my head off.  I retreated…I was numb.

We were put on a private jet and flown to Aruba where we waited for a commercial jet to take us on to Houston.  Once we got to Houston, we were bussed to hotels to stay until they got us into furnished apartments.

Zippy and I were first moved into a really upscale apartment, but it was dark and there was no sunlight.  I need light and lots of it.  So, I asked if there was any way to get me into an apartment with more light.  They moved me to another complex and I got more light there.

Every time I would get around the other ladies on the project, I would be come agitated and all I wanted to do was get away from them and be myself.  Little did I know but I was actually going through traumatic stress disorder.  I couldn’t sleep and my mind was just running in circles.  I could not focus on reading or even watching TV.

The insomnia got so bad that I actually bought some wine and thought if I could just drink a little bottle that would help put me to sleep.  I went to the store and got a little six-pack of wine and drank one little bottle and went to bed.  I was up in two hours wide awake again.  So, I drank another.  Same thing.  The next day I knew that the wine was not the answer and I was going deeper and deeper into despair.

I had to get up and dress every day to walk Zippy.  One daughter was on the other side of the world and the other was at college.  I had to take care of my little furry girl, so I got up every day and took care of myself and made the bed took care of her.  We walked about six times a day so I was getting fresh air and exercise.  I may have been going through the motions, but I was still doing it.

I was watching TBN  but it was only noise.  My mind was wondering.  The best way to describe my brain at that time is like a ciruit shorting on the lamp.  All of a sudden, I heard, “A physician does not treat himself and a lawyer who defends himself is a fool.”    I had an awesome friend who had been praying for me.  I knew the Lord was telling me I needed help and I needed to do something about it immediately.   I called the company counselor we had been referred to when we got back to the States.  She referred me on to a counselor who was a retired Methodist minister.  He was precious.

The first day I met with him, he could see I was emotionially frozen and numb.  He was very kind and gave me time to try to put into words what I was feeling.  It was hard for me.  Then he gave me a paper with some questions to take home with me to work through.  To this day, I cannot find the document I wrote, but I remember most of everything.

Here are the questions I remember.

  1. What has happened that brought you here today?
  2. What are you feeling?
  3. Have you ever felt this way before?
  4. What happened?
  5. What did you believe about yourself?

I started typing the questions on my laptop.  As I worked on the third question, the Lord started taking me all the way back to age of eight and forward through many events that left my soul scarred and wounded. It was like unraveling yarn when you crochet a chain.  It quickly came undone.  I had many events from the age of eight to my evacuation out of Venezuela and they all tied together.

What the Lord showed me was the evacuation took me away, more like ripped me away, from my husband.  I saw myself at that time holding onto a banister of a balcony.  I couldn’t hold on any more.  With each trauma that happened in my life a finger would be pried off that rail.  Finally, the evacuation was the final thing and I couldn’t hold on anymore.  I started free-falling.  I had no control over anything in my life and I could trust no one.

My first emotions were that I was angry with the company for not letting my husband fly back with me and I was even more devastated that my husband would even let me go without him.  I was actually contemplating not going back to Venezuela.  I told him at one point, he needed to decide whether he wanted me or his job.  (I know, it sounds dramatic, but I felt that way.)   I had major fear of going through it all over again or maybe even worse.

As I worked on my homework and started going through all those painful events in my life, I started praying and asking the Lord why he would let those things happen.    This is what I received from him.  He saw all those things and he grieved over it all.  He told me that as painful as it all was that He could heal my soul if I would just turn all those things over to him.  I won’t go into all the things that happened, but may share some down the road.  He gave me major revelation about the first incident when I was eight years old which was the root.  Once I got the root taken care of, the other stuff faded away.

I needed to forgive my husband first of all and understand how he was worried for me.  He didn’t want to stay behind anymore than I wanted to go.  So, I forgave him and apologized for being unreasonable and a drama queen.

The basic lie that I could not trust anyone was a lie.  With the evacuation that lie got exposed.   It had been hiding deep in my soul for years and I didn’t know it!  Which also lead me to the revelation that I had not been really trusting God about a lot of things in my life.    When I saw this in my journaling, I was so convicted! I asked the Lord to forgive me from not trusting him.  I know and believe in my heart that God is faithful.  He always has been and always will be.  He was faithful in getting me to the right person and getting the trauma writing questions.  The Lord lead me to truth and freedom.  It was so healing and a great deliverance.

A person who cannot trust is normally the person who is going to control everyone and everything around them.  I had been that person.  I didn’t want the things to happen to my girls that happened to me, so I was super controlling.  I couldn’t trust other people to get things done, so I would just do them myself.  I don’t know how people stood me!

I was also on  the road to fibromyalgia.  The body can only handle so much stress before it starts reacting.  Just to touch my skin would send me into shooting pain.  As I got my spiritual healing, the body followed.  So did the sleep!

I finished out my time with my counselor and was ready to live life again.  The numbness was gone …completely.  I wasn’t agitated by the other people on the project.  I was content.  I had peace again. I went back to Venezuela later than the rest of the families by a couple of months.  Zippy went to live with our youngest daughter.  I just didn’t want to put her through the stress of the plane again.  When I got back  I started leading a women’s Bible Study in our home with Venezeulan women who spoke English and got back into  the ministry.  I felt even more empowered to do the belief therapy and had learned some new tools in praying for people.  I finished out our time there with joy and many sweet times.

There is a scripture in Exodus where after many years, Joseph meets the brothers who sold him into slavery.  They fear that since he is next to Pharoah, Joseph will kill them for what they did to him.  But Joseph says something so profound that has stuck with me a lot of times and it is this…

Genesis 50:20 (ESV)
20  As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good, to bring it about that many people should be kept alive, as they are today.

Had Joseph not gone to Egypt as a slave, he would not have been able to prepare for his father, Jacob and his brothers and their families who were suffering a drought.  Joseph was able to make a place for his people there in Egypt so they could flourish.  And they did!

God showed me in this scripture for what the enemy meant as to harm me, God would use it for good.  What the enemy did was to send me running into the Savior’s arms for my healing and deliverance.  God would use me to help others the enemy has kept in bondage to his lies also.

I keep a thermostat check now on my emotions.  They tell me whether I am being triggered by something that I need to face.  Now I know what to look for though my journaling.  I had not been through the training in Theophostic prayer at that time.  It would be five years later that I would go through the training.  The trauma writing document sure lined up with it.  Amazing!

If you are dealing with something in your life, I encourage you to start journaling using the questions above.  Pray and ask the Lord to lead you to truth and healing.   If you need some help send me a note.  I have helped people over the phone and by Skype or Facebook.


Jeremiah 29:11-14 (ESV)
11  For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. 12  Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you. 13  You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart. 14  I will be found by you, declares the LORD, …


Rest in Peace Zippy my little travel buddy.

(1995 – 2010)

RIP Zippy


Dealing with The Bully In Your Life


I found this interesting on a Google search.

 “Bully Wasn’t Always Negative

The earliest meaning of English bully was “sweetheart.” The word was probably borrowed from Dutch boel, “lover.” Later bully was used for anyone who seemed a good fellow, then for a blustering daredevil. Today, a bully is usually one whose claims to strength and courage are based on the intimidation of those who are weaker.” ~Merriam Webster Online Dictionary

My how things have changed!

I wanted to share a personal story.  When our daughters were in school, there was some bullying going on, but nothing like we see today.  First of all, they didn’t have cell phones or computers which was a blessing from what we are seeing today.  Our oldest daughter seemed to get hit with it mostly.  It came in the form of “looking too preppy” so a girl smacked her on the bus.  Jenn came home with a hand print across her face.  My husband and I showed up at the school the next day to address the situation with the sixth-grade principal.

We saw a young girl sitting outside the principal’s office, but didn’t have a clue as to who she was.  As we shared what happened to our daughter, the principal quietly told us the girl who hit Jenn was sitting outside his office.  She wasn’t there for hitting Jenn, but because she had broken some other rules.  He assured us that he would deal with her quickly.  The “bully” seemed to leave Jenn alone after that.

I prayed and asked the Lord to somehow allow me to talk to this girl’s mother.  Little did I realize how He would set up this divine appointment a few weeks later.

We took the daily paper and I noticed we had a new delivery person.  One day a lady came to our front door to collect for the paper and the Lord spoke into my heart and said, “This is Tony’s mother.”  As I am giving the lady the check for the paper, I asked her if she was Tony’s mother.  She was surprised that I was asking and she told me that she was not her biological mother but her step-mother.  I am thinking, “How did I know this apart from You God?”

I asked her if the principal had called her to tell her what happened to our daughter. She had no idea of the situation and was really embarrassed.   Tony’s step-mother started sharing the sad life that this girl had lived and how after her mother had died of cancer, she went to live with her father and his new family.  There was a lot of anger and rebellion. Life in their household was very stressed.  We sat down in our living room and I listened to this precious woman share her heart and how she loved Tony and wanted to see her wounded soul healed.  I prayed with her and encouraged her to find a good church where the whole family could be healed and grow in Christ.

Fast forward to the next summer and the church we attended was doing a Backyard Bible Club.  I kept seeing a young girl with some younger children come to the porch of their home across the street the first few days.  By the third day Jenn asks me if she can invite the girl and her siblings.  That girl was Tony.  I was so proud of our daughter. She was willing to forgive and put the past behind her.  Tony and her siblings came to the Backyard Bible Club that week.  Tony came to the Lord and she shared how her family started going to a church after her “Mother” met with me.  They were all in pastoral counseling and she realized how much her father and new Mother loved and cared for her.

The girl physically had changed.  The hardness was gone and there was a sweetness and glow on her sweet face.

But I want to go back to, “Dealing with the Bully In Your Life.”

I like to do it God’s way rather than the way of the world.  That means taking it to The Father and crying out to Him for guidance and His solution.

But our hearts had to be right and Jenn needed to be able to forgive…all of us did.

Little did we know that He was setting up a divine appointment to help get Tony’s family in a place where they would cry out to Him also.

When we walk in love and forgiveness, we literally give God the freedom to bring solutions in such a way that we see the miracle of healing in relationships in so many ways.

We had another time when we moved to another town and Jenn was in high school.  She came home very upset and said that a male teacher was bullying her. After it happened a second time we were ready to go to the school.  But we prayed and Jenn went to school and talked to her counselor.  The counselor pulled the teacher in and he apologized to Jenn.  We never had to go to the school.  Again, God took care of it when we prayed.

Do we allow the physical abuse of bullies?  Never!  In our case when Jenn was slapped, we reported it to the school and God even allowed the parent to come to our front door so I could share what happened.  We didn’t have to go to the authorities, but if it would have continued, we would have done so in a heartbeat.

Parents, grandparents and guardians, please listen to your children.  They are special treasures that need to be protected.  Check their phones and their social media.  Be their advocate at all times.  If you don’t protect them, who will?  Pray for your children and those who bully.  The scripture tells us to pray for those who persecute us (your kids) and to love your enemies (your kids’ enemies).   There is more going on in the unseen that God wants to expose and heal.  Be a catalyst for healing.

1 Peter 5:8 (ESV)
8  Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.

The above scripture tells us that the adversary, the enemy of our soul, wants to destroy us.  He wants to destroy our families and all that God calls good.  This scripture also calls us to be vigilant and watchful.  I for one will not allow the enemy to devour my family.  You can depend on the fact that I am standing vigilant for their sake through prayers of intercession.  The scripture also tells us that we are not dealing with flesh and blood.

Ephesians 6:10-12 (ESV)
10  Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might. 11  Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil. 12  For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places.

Our battles are won on our knees!

I close with this blessing!  I encourage you to pray it over your children every morning.  If God is for them, who can stand against them!

Numbers 6:24-26 (AMP)

24  The Lord bless you and watch, guard, and keep you; 25  The Lord make His face to shine upon and enlighten you and be gracious (kind, merciful, and giving favor) to you; 26  The Lord lift up His [approving] countenance upon you and give you peace (tranquility of heart and life continually).

What are you thinking?

In 1999 I felt the Lord calling me to counseling.  I had years of training in the church and also had gone through chaplaincy training for prison ministry.  I had been a counselor at different churches we had gone to through the years of all our moving around.

So, I prayed and told the Lord if He wanted me to counsel, He needed to show me how and where to get my accreditation.  I knew He didn’t want me going for worldly training.  God is so faithful.  He led me to a faith-based counseling group called The Therapon Institute which was started by Dr. Paul Carlin in Crockett, Texas at that time.  By this time, we were living in California, so I was flying back to Texas for classes and then doing what I could by distance learning.

In November 2001, I received my License as a Belief Therapist and was ordained into the ministry at that time.  I am required to take continuing education classes through Therapon.

The word “therapon” has a beautiful meaning.  It actually means to minister or serve to relieve the diseased spirit, soul and body.

Greek Strong’s Number: 2323

Greek Word: θεραπεύω

Transliteration: therapeuō

Phonetic Pronunciation:ther-ap-yoo’-o

Root: from the same as <G2324>

Cross Reference: TDNT – 3:128,331

Part of Speech: v

Vine’s Words: Cure, Heal, Healing

Usage Notes:

English Words used in KJV:

heal 38
cure 5
worship 1
[Total Count: 44]

from the same as <G2324> (therapon); to wait upon menially, i.e. (figurative) to adore (God), or (special) to relieve (of disease) :- cure, heal, worship.

Strong’s Talking Greek & Hebrew Dictionary.

What I learned through The Therapon Institute would help bring healing spirit, soul and body through prayer, discipleship and biblical counseling.  You can find Therapon at this website:  http://www.cfchurch.net/Therapon/Home.html.

Email:  therapon.institute@gmail.com

By Phone:  888-320-2249 or 504-328-2249

By Mail:  5049 Ehret Rd., Marrero LA  70072

By Fax:  504-328-1817

Most of our pain in life comes from truth-based pain and lie-based pain.  Truth-based pain can only be healed by accepting God’s grace and facing the truth.  That is when the power of the Holy Spirit comes in and brings healing.  Lie-based pain is a bit more complicated and it takes time getting to the root lies that we have believed about ourselves, others or maybe even God.  But when we do, there is healing and deliverance.  The weight of oppression is forever lifted and we see the world through a different pair of eyes.

I googled the meaning of “therapist” and found this.




noun: therapist; plural noun: therapists

  1. a person skilled in a particular kind of therapy.

“a certified massage therapist”

synonyms: psychologist, psychotherapist, analyst, counselor, psychoanalyst, psychiatrist;


“events he would speak of only to his therapist”

  • a psychoanalyst, psychologist, etc., who treats psychological problems; a psychotherapist.

“cost is one factor keeping them from the therapist ‘s couch”






  1. treatment intended to relieve or heal a disorder.

“a course of antibiotic therapy”

synonyms: treatment, remedy, cure

“a wide range of complementary therapies”

  • the treatment of mental or psychological disorders by psychological means.

“he is currently in therapy

synonyms: psychotherapy, psychoanalysis, analysis, counseling

“he’s currently in therapy”

It’s interesting that when I google these terms it only goes for the soul and the body.  There is no spirit remedy apart from God when we get real about our broken world around us.  Our broken world is only a manifestation of what is going on in our spirit man.

Hence, the title “Belief Therapist.”  A Belief Therapist works with a person’s belief system and helps in bringing healing spirit, soul and body.

I attended a wonderful training in Texas by Pastor Henry Wright from Pleasant Valley Church in Thomaston, Georgia.  His ministry is called “Be in Health.”  He has an amazing training via the internet and on-site training.  Pastor Wright has had years of experience in seeing people get healed emotionally and physically when they dealt with the spiritual issues in their lives.  In his book “A More Excellent Way” on page 24, Pastor Wright says “About 80% of all diseases of mankind have a spiritual root with various psychological and biological manifestations.  I am not a doctor. I am not a psychologist.  I do not mix psychology with ministry.  I am a servant of the Father and Lord Jesus Christ.  No man has taught me, but He has taught me.”  He shares this same information in his trainings.

I agree.  In fact, one of my primary care doctors (who was not a believer) told me that with all the cancer in my family, it showed him that there was a lot of anger.  Interesting!  Many (actually most) of the people I have worked with find emotional and physical healing when we get to the spiritual root cause and deal with it.  The gifts of the Holy Spirit manifest during this time which is glorious and powerful.

What I love about being a Belief Therapist is seeing people love God enough to trust and believe Him to walk out their faith and obedience.  They become a force to be reckoned with and the kingdom of darkness cannot hit them in that spot any longer.

Another training that has brought much freedom to people I have ministered to is Transformational Prayer (previously called Theophostic Prayer Ministry).  It is a powerful way to get to the root of a person’s belief system and help them find freedom and peace.  When trained in this type of ministry, I had to have so man hours of  prayer for myself personally which was amazing.  We can’t pray for others when we are getting our own buttons pushed/triggered.  I continue to use this type of prayer today for myself.

We are spirit, soul and body according to God’s word.

1 Thessalonians 5:23-24 (NKJV)
23  Now may the God of peace Himself sanctify you completely; and may your whole spirit, soul, and body be preserved blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. 24  He who calls you is faithful, who also will do it.

Worldly counseling cannot heal the spirit man.  Only the Holy Spirit  can do that.

As a Belief Therapist, my main motto (scripture) is this… Proverbs 23:7a (NKJV)
7  For as he thinks in his heart, so is he.

What you believe in your heart is how you will respond to life…good and bad and it will be the filter you see everything through.

I will post different ministry training websites for your own study and edification that I have personally attended or gone through.  If you live in the area and need some help, send me an email and we can set up an appointment.   And yes…my husband and I do marriage counseling…God’s way.  We have been married 44 years so we have a track record.

Confidentiality is a must in this ministry.  There are two things I cannot keep confidential.

  1. If a child has been sexually assaulted.
  2. If a crime has been committed.

All else is between us and God.

I leave you with this blessing.

Numbers 6:24-26 (AMP)

24  The Lord bless you and watch, guard, and keep you; 25  The Lord make His face to shine upon and enlighten you and be gracious (kind, merciful, and giving favor) to you; 26  The Lord lift up His [approving] countenance upon you and give you peace (tranquility of heart and life continually).